I anticipate posting more on this subject, but for now I am simply looking for some feedback and thoughts. The subject: children in worship. What role should children have, if any, in corporate worship of believers? Do children have a rightful place in the corporate worship gathering, or should the corporate worship gathering remain primarily for adults?
Culturally, the Western church has segregated and excluded children from the corporate worship gathering. There are many reasons for this, some which may be justified, while others remain suspect at best. For example, infants can be distracting during corporate worship, and so many churches offer a nursery. Not only are incorrigible infants potentially distracting, but all infants face the indisputable obstacle that what happens in corporate worship is unintelligible to them.
Many churches also offer kid’s church services beginning as young as three years old, with some spanning into adolescence. This is motivated primarily by secular psychological profiles and educational models which emphasize age-appropriate learning (this statement is merely meant to highlight the influence of these things. This is not necessarily meant to be an outright rejection of these things). The kid’s church phenomenon isn’t limited to just children. More and more churches are going to youth and even college services tailored for the tastes and preferences of these particular target audiences.
Let me ask this question: What have we lost when we exclude children (infants to teenagers) from worship? What have we gained, if anything?
In a conversation with a dear friend this week she said the following: “We feel the family’s, like the individual’s, worship throughout the week culminates in the participation of corporate worship. It is the time when we as an entire family join together with other families and individuals in the community to worship as we have been doing all week in our home. We include even the youngest in our family worship and do not worry that they don’t understand or participate as much as we do, and it would seem absurd to leave them out, so why would we during corporate worship?”
I’ve got another question percolating in my mind. What harm is done to the parent/child relationship, if any, as the primary discipler in the home, when the church fails to put adults and children in position to worship together in a welcoming environment through corporate gatherings? What are we communicating to both adults and children alike with this practice?
I’m looking foward to the input. I have as many questions as I have answers. I apologize for the long hiatus. I’ve been out of town and Elijah’s been noisy at night when I’ve been around. I hope you understand.
Promise & Pleasure 
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May 28, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Kerry
I am sure that there are lots of different feelings on this topic- especially if you are a parent. You asked:
Do children have a rightful place in the corporate worship gathering, or should the corporate worship gathering remain primarily for adults?
My thoughts are similar to the person that you spoke with. “It is the time when we as an entire family join together with other families and individuals in the community to worship as we have been doing all week in our home. ”
We are a body and seek to have community- so why would we leave our children out of that? As parents we are to teach our children to love and worship the Lord, so why would we not want for our children to be in the “worship service” with us? It is not always easy, but that is part of the learning/training experience.
I feel like many churches are missing the point of gathering together as a community and fellowship of believers. We try to separate everyone from children to youth- so they can get what they like and need. That is a very selfish idea of worship. What is the point of our corporate worship if we go in with such selfish motivation?
If others are disturbed by your children, then they are missing the point of a community of believers too. We are to individualistic in our culture. We want to come into church sit there and not be bothered by anyone. Do you think that is what God has in mind for a group of believers? I don’t.
I have more that I could say, but I will stop for now and see what your thoughts are, or thoughts of others.
May 29, 2008 at 8:15 pm
johnaaronmartin
I would agree there is a place for children in worship. Parenting in the pew is a difficult task, and the difficulty of it raises other critical issues.
1) What responsibility to parents of young children have to the larger gathering of believers? More specifically, what should our expectations be regarding behavior of children in worship? The broader congregation is called to bear this burden of parenting in the pew with parents. In turn, what obligation do the parents then have to encourage the broader congregation when children are unruly, unresponsive, disruptive, etc.?
2) Does provide an age-appropriate space for learning/worship necessarily communicate that a church isn’t interested in having children in worship?
June 2, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Kerry
Here are my thoughts on your questions. I also read your post above on this issue.
1) We should expect them to have good behavior in worship. If they are disruptive then they should be taken out, disciplined and then brought back in to the service. That is what we do with our 20 month old. He knows that he has to obey and if he does not he leaves with daddy- gets in trouble- and then he comes back. This is part of the learning process.
I guess that to each parent there are different levels of what you would call unruly. I think that you talking with them and interacting about the sermon is good. But if they scream out or have other out of control behavior then they need to be taken out.
2) I am not sure how to answer that. I think that we have it because we have always had it. I also think that many parents do not want to invest the time or energy into helping their children in the service (also they may not know how). At first it is very difficult, but isn’t that what parenting is about? Won’t it be worth it later? We take the time now, and will benefit from it later- Lord willing. It is hard for children to know how to behave at 6 when they have not been taught earlier. Honestly I have seen more young (under 2) behave better and interact more with the worship service than I have seen some of the older children. It all depend on the parents.
It is frustrating to see parents- with older children- not having them engage in the service. They have their children do anything to keep them quiet instead of talking to them about what is going on or trying to teach them how to take notes, etc…
June 2, 2008 at 8:48 pm
johnaaronmartin
But how many parents choose not to try to instruct their children in worship simply because they know this is distracting to those around them? I agree that parents should parent in the pew, but at the same time, what obligation to parents have to bear with the failing (distractions) of others, and vice versa?
June 3, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Kerry
I am not sure how many do not instruct because they think it is a distraction. I think many do not not instruct in the pew because they either do not know how, do not want to bother with it, do not realize that they should be, or there may be other reasons.
I thought that was what the balcony was for- interacting with your children in worship. There are lots of families up there with their children. But even the families up there are not instructing their children. There are only a few that interact with their children during the service. I think a lot of it is ignorance of parents (I am not meaning that in a bad way.).
You asked: what obligation do parents have to bear with the failing (distractions) of others, and vice versa?
It is not our intention to distract others. Some people are going to be distracted no matter what happens. That does not mean that parents do not have a responsibility, but others are responsible for their focus on God too. (that is why we try to sit away from others- and why most families sit upstairs)
I guess this brings up another question. Is the worship service all about us sitting still, not talking, not interacting with God or others? When and why has the worship service become so stiff? We are ok with children being in there during the music and prayer, but we think they should not worship through the word. Why is that?
I realize that some of what is said may go over their heads and they may not understand, that is why we interact with them and help them. If a non-believer was beside me and asked questions wouldn’t I answer them and try to intrust them? How is it different with our children?
I think that we have constructed what we think the worship service should look like. Here in America it is so different than other churches that I have gone to in other countries. I realize that we have an ADD culture, but if a person is distracted some is that a great problem? If your theology is sound (which I think it is =)) then what is the problem with a little distraction anyway? God’s Spirit is going to move and work no matter what we do. A little distraction is not going to keep someone from being saved or from hearing what God has fort hem to hear.
I am not justifying unruly behavior, nor am I saying that parents are not responsible for instructing and taking out misbehaving children. But I think that if a parent is truly trying to teach their children how to worship the Lord in a corporate setting, then why are we so hard on them? Why do we think it is wrong and that there should be not talking? When I instruct my son everywhere else on how to live and worship God- I talk to him and try to help him understand. I do not see that the worship service is any different- except there are a lot more people there.
June 4, 2008 at 3:26 am
Winnie
Just a few thoughts…
Thanks for the recent writings on the topic of children in worship. This is a very challenging topic and one that now as a parent affects my family more than I ever realized. I am surprised however by the devisive nature this topic can bring about in people. It appears that there are extremes out there on either side (segregated or family-integrated) that view this as a sin issue. I would be interested to hear your views on whether or not this might be a sin issue.
No matter which side I land on I am realizing that we have freedom in Christ and it encourages me to continue to work out my salvation and to remember that His power is made perfect in my weakness…..